Let Me Clear My Throat


measure
March 28, 2010, 10:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I promised no loyalty to this blog thing, but I am ashamed to have so quickly abandoned publishing my thoughts. But who reads this anyway… hah no one. If you are that soul reading my words, bless you… maybe this will resonate with your heart.

I hate to blog unless I really have something to say. About a month ago I was feeling extremely convicted about how I measure a year, and that was about the same time I saw GCSU’s theater department put on RENT. 525,600 minutes… right? At that point I was measuring everything half full. My measuring cups were smiles, warm embraces, and words of encouragement and confirmation of being right where I was supposed to be. January and February have been months of harvest.

And then there was March. No preparation, warning, or slap across the face with reality could prepare my heart for the suffering I was about to endure. This unwanted intrusion of change to my desired plans could not have come at a more fragile time. Things I planned on keeping dear to me for years to come have been ripped from my grasp. Bad things happening to good people does not sit well with my childlike optimism and joyful character. So here I am… no quality of understanding can carry me to another day. I am here hourly. Can’t think about tomorrow… Once I get through the next couple hours, I can focus on the hours that follow those. My plastered with a smiling face measuring cups have transformed to broken, disheveled ‘how will I get through this’ gauges.

I want to endure hardship like Job, and possess patience like Ruth, and abandon my own desires so that I may have faith like Abraham.

How does one stuck in the small picture deal with huge matters of the heart?

Not leaning on my own understanding,
Stephanie

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