Let Me Clear My Throat


April 12, 2011, 5:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Why did I try to avoid the unavoidable for so long? Why do I believe that I will eventually gain power over sin while keeping two feet walking forward into even more sin? Why do I feel invincible from the darkness with out any dependence on Jesus? And what the hell happened to me to harden my heart into believing I could live each day on my own? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I was finally getting a glimpse of the woman I was becoming, and to be honest, I liked what I saw. I finally have all my ducks in a row, and the things I would have died for last year, I finally have those things. And then, Satan comes sweeping through with his sweet lies and his deceitful words and my doubts grew like weeds in a garden that was intended to be untouched.

So I return to the blogger world with a broken spirit and a severed heart. Is this cyclical process of picking up my cross daily to look like Jesus what I signed up for? WHY, WHY, WHY am I having so much trouble seeing the beneficial, fulfilling, tender, awe-inspiring reasons that come from relationship with Jesus. There are so many specks on my glasses, so many things in my view. I want a clear view. I want a breath. I want perspective. I want to find my own fire. Taylor Williby, don’t give up on me now.

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